Don't quit your job because you have a bad boss. Demand more.
Understand the different characteristics of dysfunction leaders versus disengaged. Demand more from your boss.
This Wednesday’s post is a little different than the others I’ve written. Leave a comment if you like or dislike. This is more of a research post after some recent interactions.
I once was given advice that you should only quit your job if you don’t like the industry or the company’s direction, but not because of a bad boss. The advice was memorable because it’s counterintuitive and contrary to others. The person elaborated by saying, you should exhaust all your other options (e.g., change roles, transfer to another team, inquire if the boss is leaving, find a way to get the boss to leave). In short, why should you quit because of a bad boss?
While I disagree with the advice, he made an interesting point. Why should you leave because of a bad boss? Get the boss to quit.
But what do we mean by bad boss? What are the characteristics of a bad boss?
The really bad boss.
We’ll start with the really bad. Academic research categorizes dysfunctional bosses into three overlapping types: toxic, destructive, and abusive
Toxic: thrive by intentionally creating chaos or confusion, often using charisma to manipulate, isolate, and ostracize
Destructive: outward physical acts including shoving or throwing objects
Abusive: use of verbal abuse such as public criticism, use of derogatory names or comments, condescending tones, intimidation, tantrums, rudeness, coercion, public ridicule and blaming
Now, abusive and destructive traits are often the easiest to spot. They jump out whereas the toxic boss is often the most difficult to identify. This is because toxic bosses may not always be seen in a negative light.
Toxic leaders may not always be seen in a negative light. Lipman-Blumen (2005a) stated that one person’s toxic leader is another person’s hero. Toxic leaders can be very charming and will align themselves with people who can help them to promote their personal agendas. Since they are very conscious of their behavior, they will reward followers who are supportive of their toxicity while on the other hand destroying those who do not. During investigations of toxic leaders, some employees will share that the leader in question is charming, talented and one of the best leaders they have ever experienced or worked with. Others will share that the leader is abusive, detrimental, destructive and toxic. This contradictory information can be confusing for organizations and does not help to address what the problem actually is. On many occasions, the tables are turned and the person making the complaint is viewed as the toxic individual instead of the leader. Toxic leadership results from the leader’s charm, intelligence, admiration expressed by the follower and an environment that supports these forms of behavior.
Beyond really bad boss
But the problem is bigger than identifying the toxic boss. The problem is also prevalent with the disengaged boss. That’s because as a profession, product management continues to operate in an apprenticeship model. While there are academic coursework and certifcations, most of product management is learned from on-the-job training. You can gather some of that from reading, but without a dedicated mentor to guide you with feedback, it can feel a lot like fumbling in the dark.
For most PMs, that mentorship will come from their boss. While you can supplement the mentorship with an outside coach 👋, a network of other PMs, readings, etc. your boss is uniquely positioned to be generally the best mentor. Thus, a bad boss includes someone who is disengaged in mentorship.
Mentoring in the right areas: product vs general career
Product mentorship is a particular aspect of career mentorship. While all bosses will provide some type of career mentorship, product mentorship requires a certain level of specialized knowledge and hands-on feedback. I believe it must be more than guidance on how to succeed at the company, which focuses upon a company’s specific performance evaluation. This is a common problem even with bosses who provide mentorship. It’s because the typical coaching is structured around the performance evaluation or promotion process. Success (i.e., promotion and raises) does not necessarily equal functional mastery. It’s actually one of the common issues experienced by PMs in the middle of their career. They are successful at their company, but that success might be built upon weak foundations. It makes them fearful of change, where they might no longer be successful elsewhere.
But if we look back at the traditional apprenticeship model, the aim of the apprenticeship is so that the apprentice can become an independent master craftsman. So the bar for a good PM boss isn’t just someone who is engaged in your success at your current company, but engaged in your success as a PM anywhere.
It’s ah tall order, but I think we should all have this expectation, especially PMs starting out their careers. Avoid the dysfunctional boss, expect engagement, and ask for mentorship beyond success at your company.
Additional Reading
Managing collaboration: Improving team effectiveness through a network perspective
A brief measure of dark personality traits (SD3) including a nice little quiz that tells you if you have the Dark Triad. Think your boss is dysfunctional?
I liked the article Shaw and you have described this topic brilliantly. I have also observed that for a new Product Manager on the job, it is really difficult to judge the boss. E.g. my last boss did teach me some stuff the hard way, but I think it was worth it as now I understand the hardships to reach to this position. Hence there is a very fine line between having a destructive boss or an educating boss.